Getting to Know You.... Again

I know I shouldn't get myself into these situations, but I have a hard time saying no to people. I don't like to hurt them, but I know it's something that has to be worked on. Alas, here I am again, out to dinner with the man who accosted my hearing modules. But wait, there's a twist! He is not intoxicated! I have a good feeling that we can simply have a nice dinner, maybe even some jollification. Oh ho ho, hold up there. Due to the recent drunk all the time, he's forgotten just about all that we've talked about. So we go through the motions, same conversations. Funny how when he's sober, he makes no moves, passes, advancements at all. I'm perfectly ok with that, but I guess you just expect more to go wrong when you're used to it.

No, I think not.

There is a pattern forming. He's drunk everytime I see him.

I've decided to keep giving said guy below a chance, so I go meet him with one of his friends at a different bar. Change of pace, this is good. Maybe the night will fare differently. Still no spark of course, but perhaps, we can be together as just friends? I hope. Oooh Lordy I hope. His friend is fun, this a good time! As the night winds down, it's just him and myself. We decide it's time for the after drinking food.

While fooding at the bar, I see the glazed look in his eyes while he's sitting to my side. A hand on my thigh. Oh balls. I know what's coming. Right I am, he leans in, sitting next to me (don't face him, you know what he wants). A kiss on the cheek, I can handle that. Its a friendly friend thing to do. Oh, that's not my cheek, instant panic, my earlobe is being sucked upon! No! Unacceptable! Uh oh feeling! I pull away, thank the lands above that he's true drunk to really care I do so. I'd like to hope this is the last attempt. As he gets up to go to the restroom, I feel hands encroach from behind me. Hey, I like hugs, I can deal with this. Fooled again! Thanks. My head is now being turned, his tongue heading directly in a swift forward motion towards my mouth.. I think. Objection! My excuse to not go through with this is that I don't like PDA. Not a lie, so I don't feel bad. Gladly, he complies and goes to the restroom. Apparently his memory is so short term that I sit through another earlobe bathing after his return. I can wash my own ears, thanks. Let us pay and get out of here.

Sigh.

Naturally.

"-see, girls like us just want hugs, really, just hugs."

Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
So Many Ways to Sleep Badly

The hopeful glimmer, that I don't want.

Over a week ago, I found myself at the mercy of our single local gay bar yet again. Not a full blown gay bar, but one where the same sex love makers happen to conglomerate.
** side note, best bar memory ever consists of a robust young woman on the dance floor surrounded by a group of men dancing. She then decided to fall upon all fours, crawl around the men, in and out of their legs like a misguided common barnyard animal... oh, how the laughter ensued.**

Anyway, while at such a place, I was enjoying conversation at a table when a fellow joined us. We started to talk more and more, finding multitudes in common the better we got to know each other. I had no indication of what was to come, as I was just excited to find a new friend, but yet nervous, as bar friends don't really pan out in my experience. At the end of the night, I got the linger hug. Now I know hugs, firmly believing one should get many a day, I know when one has lustful connotations to it. Going home giddy at the possibility that someone likes me, I started to ponder the idea for something more in my head with this guy.

We met up a few nights later, back the bar. Talk was slow at first, trying to find common ground again, but then we got the snowball a rollin. After a while, the time had come to (with enough liquid courage) dance. So, I pulled him to the floor, and before I know it, we are bumping into each other, hands are wandering, mouths getting close... and then... the kiss. I felt nothing. There was no spark. No desire. Nothing. Oh God do I look disinterested while kissing him? Do others notice that I'm not feeling anything? Ok. Try again. Fuck me, still nothing. I'm not used to this. Even if drunk I can at least pull from the horny strength to keep things going.

While I have seen him since, still no spark, but amazing to have as a friend. One month down, eleven to go. Still, back to hoping.

The more recent past

Well hi there February. I shall welcome you. For whatever reason I despise January, no offense big J, but I just don't enjoy starting off with you.

I do suppose it is time to divulge what has come to pass in this new life town. These first encounters happened before my declaration of love, but since they concern the new life, I thought I should include a few of who I've met so far.

My first encounter with a fellow gay happened soon after I moved here. The usual story, go online, talk to a college guy that seems nice... We decide to hang out and watch a movie, oh so innocent. Next thing I know, nakedness, and he's demanding that I paw at his balls like a cat would to yarn, yet, the noises he makes are oddly like a dying beast of burden. We talk at the end, the usual civilness, "you have my number, let's hang again, etc..." Haven't seen him sense, and I'm ok with that.

Next... I get set up with a friend of a friend of a friend, the classic blind date. We have so much in common to talk about! Fabulous dinner! The stars must have aligned and smiled upon me! We set up another date as soon as possible! Before our next date, a certain holiday has arrived, and while alone for it, I decided I'm a fun fancy and carefree young man, so I decide to go out for a bit. Going out alone can be awkward for me at first, but I can usually find my groove. However, it's a bit hard to find that groove when you run into your blind date and his boyfriend of a year that he neglected to tell you about. Needless to say, above mentioned second date did not happen. Balls.